Thursday, November 11, 2010

Paul the Arsonist (or, Why I love Vinnie.)

In my younger life, there were several milk toast men who had become enamored with me. They were all pleasant, sweet, compliant young men, men who would have tried to move the earth and the heavens if they believed it would have made me happy. Most SMART young women would have felt blessed with these Charles Bovary types. Not I. Not at all. I would have rather run into the abyss upon their exclamations of love. I preferred the passionate sort, the ones who exhibited a lust for life. The ones who made my father shudder.

My first 'luster for life' was a brooding teenage boy named Paul. Paul had that bad boy brooding look. In my fifteen year old mind, I thought he was beautiful. Troubled, sure, but nonetheless, beautiful.

Paul was a neighborhood boy. I had decided that my life legacy would be as a 'SAVIOR OF THE WORLD.' At least that was my excuse for going through a long period in my mid teens as being 'SAVIOR OF THE WORLD.' I would be akin to the saints, a lover of the unlovable, a healer of the troubled. And Paul was troubled.

Beej, Savior of the World.

I first felt affection for him after he was released from some juvenile institute to which he had been 'assigned' after he burned a couple of abandoned buildings to the ground. Yup. Paul was an arsonist. He was my first attempt at 'saving.' Of course, I did not save Paul. He eventually dissolved into a black hole of my feelings and I'm sure I moved on to my next venture as, 'SAVIOR OF THE WORLD.'

Having said all that, and probably revealing more to you about myself than I would ever want to reveal, I am using that story as an example of my basic nature to explain why I love Vincent Van Gogh as much as I do. If any person had ever lived a troubled life, it was Vincent. Of course his art expressed his 'lust for life' (which is, of course, the title of a book by Irving Stone about Van Gogh, a book I have just finished reading.) I love his art but it is the man behind the art that truly enthralls me.

Take his ear, or more accurately, his ear lobe. why did Vinnie lop off his ear lobe? Because an underage prostitute asked him for it! Now, that's passion! (I must tell you tho, that this hooker, upon unwrapping the paper holding the lobe, passed out cold on the foyer floor. It was this act of ultimate generosity that landed our dear artist in the insane asylum.)

I am not a fan of physical mutilation. I do not find that attractive. But it was the passion behind the act that captured my heart.

A lust for life is not the same as a love for life. We all love life, whether we want to admit it. it's the lust, the LUST for life that is so very attractive to me. It's a passion to feel all of life, to see colors brighter, to have the energy, both physically and emotionally, to go for the gusto.

Okay, maybe Van Gogh was more than passionate. He was a genius. Smart and passionate?

Oh yes. Now that's the magical mix.


  1. hey there.. Long time no talk.. lol.. i just woke up and i havent visited anyone recently. i just havent had time.. beautiful post. I remember trying to save people too when I was young to be honest..

  2. Thanks tweetey. I've been a bit of a stranger lately too. It seems as soon as one thing calms down another takes its place. My daughter Shannon is in the hospital. Oy vay. What next.

  3. Van Gogh? Yesss! And many? Yesss! Until it overwhelms me. And poets. And musicians (I'm one of those animals!). And especially bloggers. Please consider posting a G-mail address in your profile.

    In my vacation from 18-hr/day blogging, I'm trying to abstain from commenting also.

    However, when someone (you) takes the time to comment on my 'static', I cannot go to sleep until I respond. So here me be.

    Love life? Yesss! Lust for words at this age is I OVERDO it! But I can say I'd have been one to make your father shudder. LOL

    PEACE! (But not too much of it--grin!)
    Steve E

    PS. HOW do you remember that old old movie...and the 'whistling lesson'???

  4. BeeJ
    Since you don't know me, you have not yet blocked my comments--grin!

    Forgot to tell you, I never burned down a building nor robbed a Brinks truck...but have thought about doing both. Too busy doing everything else. YOU know!

  5. steveroni, what a great surprise to wander in here and find your greetings! I loved your blog and was hoping you would stop by here.
    I'll post the gmail addy later and hope to hear from you.

  6. You could just mail me your address...mine is in my profile "(all) about me!"

    Just go HERE in right sidebar scroll down a piece, it's under my violin avatar (not guitar--grin!). OK?

  7. You could just mail me your address...mine is in my profile "(all) about me!"

    Just go HERE ...OR...more simply, click on the little violin in your "followers" pictures, and I believe thgerin (therein, if you prefer) will be an address. Even though it's public, I do not wish to use your comments for myself...OK?

  8. steveroni:

  9. hey hope all is better now.. I will have a post up sometime this coming week about our adventures. I will have loads of pix too.. We are going to Indianapolis Indianna today for a road trip to get out for the weekend.. Will talk soon.


Go ahead, you can do it! Just whistle if you want me. You know how to whistle, don't you? You just put your lips together and BLOW....

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