Some of you are too young to have experienced what I'm about to write about. Some of you are not. Regardless, those of you young 'uns might want a little heads up on what you might go through a few years down the road.
I am going to tell you about estrogen supplements.
There comes a time in the female life (you men are spoiled brats, I just want to tell you that...) when hormones change. In fact, they take a nose dive. There are many different symptoms. You will know when this has begun to occur.
Last week my gynecologist recommended the time had come for me to consider estrogen supplements. I considered it for maybe three seconds.
"Bring it on, Doctor!!" My heart was doing a big, soul stomping happy dance.
I wanted the oral stuff, the stuff that makes you feel like you're 21 again, the stuff that makes your skin glow and..and...and...well, a whole bunch of different wonderful 'things' begin to come 'alive' again.
"You still have a uterus." she said, shaking her head no.
She sat down in front of me and drew a chart about the negative effects of oral estrogen on women who still have a uterus; Strokes. Blood clots. Cancer. Heart attacks. On and on.
"What's a woman who is cursed with a uterus to do?" I lamented.
"No problem." she smiled. "We'll use a vaginal cream."
Okay, no problem; as far as my complexion goes, I'll do what my friend Lynn in Tallahassee does and just put a little dab on my face. Watch out crows feet, here we come!! har!
"Okay, Beej. This is potent stuff and is expensive. Sometimes insurance doesn't cover it. It can run over $100 for a tube. Having said that, it comes with an applicator. Throw it away. I only want you to use a pea sized amount, three times a week."
Off I go with my prescription and to the pharmacy. I hand the pharmacist the prescription for my 'wonder cream.' He takes it to his computer.
"Beej, this is expensive stuff."
"How expensive?"
"$120."
Whoa, I think. $120 for a little tube. And here i've been making it for free all those years! I've been producing a gold mine with no way to excavate it!
"I'll take it."
And off I go to my house. I take it out of the box.
Liquid gold:
I pull out the applicator.
"Dr. told me to throw it away." I remember. I study it and decide, nah, I'm holding on to that..Just for, you know, an emergency..or something. I slip it back into the box.
I read all the warnings on the little instruction sheet and call my sister.
"Hey sis. Have you ever used estrogen cream?"
"Oh I can't use that but I use something similar."
I don't ask what. I'm afraid she'll tell me lard or something like that.
Why can't you use the regular stuff?" I do ask.
"Because I had a terrible, HORRIBLE allergic reaction."
"Oh damn! that musta hurt." I think to myself.
"What about Jeanne?" (Jeanne is our other sister.)
"Well she did use it but she stopped."
"why?"
"Because her dog got hold of the tube and ate it."
"Her dog ate her estrogen?"
"Yup, that's what happened."
Oh dam! Big damn! Big doggone damn!
