Sunday, March 14, 2010

My House of Mirth

My house is always busy. Not that we're running around being productive or anything like that, mind you. There's just always commotion. You figure with 2 big kids, 2 big lizards, an evil cat, a big dog and a little (temporary resident) bat-dog, it would be weird if it were calm here.

My big dog, Abby, is not feeling well again. I'm telling you, this dog has the sweetest disposition in the world (I once saw her wag her tail at a fruit fly that landed in front of her nose) so it breaks my heart to see her feeling poorly. Right now she seems to have a stomach bug and has vomited a couple times. She has a checkup at the vet's tomorrow for another problem we've FINALLY got on top auto-immune disorder, so I'll see if he needs to giver her something for her tummy.

Little bat-dog is hyper as usual. I am not her mommy; I am gramma, or at least she thinks I'm gramma..probably because my daughter refers to me as that when she says anything about me to "Go see if gramma will feed you. Go see if gramma will let you outside.."

The lizards are always calm. They just lie there and look at me, bug eyed, waitin to see if I'm going to throw a few crickets into their cage.

Now, the kids are a different story. Boy-kid is 20 and girl-kid is 23. My daughter moved back home a month ago. She's a pretty good girl but like most young people, she loves a party. She went to another at Paul's house last night. (My profile picture was taken at Paul's house...I'm posed there on the back of his Harley..and, no, I did not get to drive it, tho I have taken his real spiffy car out for a whirl.)

Anyway, Paul is heading toward middle age, has no kids, has never been married. He inherited his mom's house a while back, but.. due to an electrical mishap.. it burned to the ground last year. So he has just finished building a new, cute-as-a-button little house. Paul works a lot and loves a good party, so his house is where Shannon and her friends like to hang out.

This weekend, Paul hosted a birthday party, complete with a live band, for his friend's birthday. Shannon, two of her friends and bat-dog spent the night there. She came home this morning, looking like hell.

"You look like hell." I pointed out to her when she came into the kitchen for a glass of water.

"Yeah I know. I feel like hell."

"What's that orange stuff all over the front of your shirt?" I try to be inconspicuous as I bend slightly forward, trying to get a whiff of whatever it was.

"I think it's orange juice. And vodka."

"Did you spill it?" I can ask really dumb questions but I'm mom, and I'm kinda hoping she will tell me no, that she, personally, just drank milk but some stranger accidentally spilled it on her.

"I think so but i don't remember."


"Ma, I have to go to bed. I need to be at work by 5pm."

"Didn't you sleep last night?" (Another dumb mom question.)

"I drifted off at 6."

"But it's only 9 now!"

"Yeah I know. Niters mom."

What can I do? She's 23 years old. And she has lived on her own for several years before now. I can't tie her to the crib and give her a ba-ba!

No sooner does she take off for bed when my son pops in.

"hey ma."


"Kim (his girlfriend/fiancee) and I are moving in together."

This does not surprise me; they've been planning on this for months. What DOES surprise me is that they are doing it now. Their finances are, well, kinda on the skids.

"You think you'll be able to afford it?"

"Yeah we found an old 2 bedroom trailer but it's only $350 a month. And..."

he stops to drink a gallon of milk in a single gulp.

"I got myself a second job."

"Really? Where?"

"The mall."

"Tell me about it!"

"Well, I get to wear a uniform."

Visions of 'MY SON, THE SECURITY GUARD,' fill my head..

"That's great! A security guard, huh?"

"No, ma. Easter bunny."


"I'm going to be the Easter Bunny."

I stared at him with what had to be the blankest look I've hever had on my face. I tried to picture my young man dressed as a bunny. I tried, I swear I did, not to laugh. But the image of him with his little cottontail was more that I could handle and keep a straight face.

"Wonderful, son! Hey, would you like to eat before you go to get Kim? I can chop up some carrots for you real quick!"

Even he laughed. As he hopped away. (Har!)

DISCLAIMER;( with explanation.)

I had originally embedded a video called 'Kids Scared of Easter Bunny.' It was filmed, I presume, by their mom. These were really, really polite kids, awesome manners, soft spoken, all that neat and nice stuff. Well, it seems someone (dad?) dressed up as the Easter Bunny and as mom was telling the little ones about the eggs she carefully had dyed, the bunny, in full regalia, appeared at the kitchen window. The kids went ballistic. They were screaming and crying, one running, the other frozen in his chair in terror. Mom kept taping and laughing. The entire thing was less than two minutes, but I kept thinking about it during dinner and decided it was just plain cruel. My heart just could not bear it, so I removed it from my blog. I don't know if anyone saw it while visiting here, but if so that's why it has been removed.

What the heck was wrong with that mother, laughing and filming while these babies were screaming in terror?

So instead, I leave you with this:


  1. I really must protest about this post being so long that I didn't really read it. :-)

    Hey, about four years ago a couple brought corned beef and cabbage to the beer church that was soooo good that my body used up every bit of the two servings.

    Really, I never even took a shit the next day. :-)

  2. LOL! I didnt really notice that it was long but I guess it is and I guess you're a very honest man!

    Btw what exactly is a 'beer church' ?

  3. What is a beer church? Do you live in a closet? :-)

    A beer church is a tavern. Or as we sometimes call them, a T.A. Vern store. I'm a street minister, I serve those that don't have religions and go to churches.

    Don't get out much, do you? :-)

  4. Welcome to my blog and thanks for posting, tree. I went over to yours but there's nothing least nothing I can read! But thanks for stopping by, anyway.

    Billy, outside of a very occasional glass of wine, I don't drink so no, I suppose I don't get out much. Regardless, i have never heard that term before!

  5. Ah the early 20s, such a fun time. Tell your son to enjoy living it up at home for as long as possible! TRUST me, LOL!

    And I didn't think this was a long post, btw.

  6. I wouldn't pay any attention to Tree, he got taken out by a beaver, if you get my drift. :-)

  7. Hi Lady! I think it will be a good experience for my son. He needs to learn he is not entitled to everything, and paying for a roof over his head will be an invaluable life lesson for him. I can't tell him anything right now, he's at THAT age. He thinks he knows better than I do so i just have to sit back and let him learn.
    I didn't think my post was too long and I'm glad to know you didn't think so, eiter. I'm long winded. What can I say?

    Billy, I get it harhar. Maybe he was just bored.

  8. By beaver I mean that junction at the top of a woman's legs. Or have you missed out on that slang also? :-)

  9. i am sorry but i got this real funny pix in my head when you said he was goign to be the easter bunny... yikes... I hope he does ok with it.. i have seen people in Wal Mart dress up as the Easter Bunny.. So it must be year he can be Santa too????Not discriminating just asking???


Go ahead, you can do it! Just whistle if you want me. You know how to whistle, don't you? You just put your lips together and BLOW....

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