Friday, July 16, 2010

A Hundred Crickets in a Single Bag.

So, the other day I finished my time at the book store and drove over to the pet store across the highway. I needed to get crickets for the lizards. I was tired and I was hot and this stopping for crickets was one of those pain in the patootey necessities.

Usually the wait at the pet store is irritatingly long. But that day, the young guy who was manning the crickets station was right there.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes I need crickets."

"Yes ma'am. Large or small?"

"Large please."

"What are you feeding?"

I am always asked this at the pet store and I usually say I am making a new, exotic recipe for my family, just to see some jaws drop. But this time, I was too tired to joke around.

"I'm feeding two large bearded dragon lizards."

"How many do you want?"

I just want to get home, kid!!! Gimme my crickets!!

"A hundred."

"Do you want them individually bagged?"

Now I looked at this baby faced young guy to see if he was kidding. His face just dripped of sincerity.

I threw back my head and laughed out loud. I guffawed, slapped my legs, shook my head and wiped the tears from my eyes. All the while the poor kid, now red in the face, just stared at me. I think if there had been a hole in the floor, he would have crawled into it. I was, all at once, filled with sympathy. Oh I wish I hadn't laughed.

"A hundred crickets individually bagged is a hundred bags. Honey, I do not have that much room in the backseat of my car."

Here is a short video that shows what the bag looks like after its been filled with air and crickets:

Now imagine a hundred of those.

Anyway, this sweet sweet boy turned bright red.

"I'm sorry I laughed but that was absolutely adorable."

He smiled at me.

"Well, do you want a few in each bag?"

"No. You can put them all in one bag."

Which he did. And off I went, giggling all the way home.


  1. I didn't know that they eat crickets. But what in the hell do I know about lizards other than they are part of the food chain.

  2. I can bring you bags of crickets to the store. We have a hatchery out at my house- it's called a pineapple sage plant. And there's 345938745938745938749583749587 crickets all over the place.
    You can't have them all, though :) - the barking tree frogs that live here on the porch also eat them.
    Seriously, though....I'll bring them to you, and you can save some cash.

  3. Billy, crickets are their dietary mainstay tho they do also eat a mix of chopped fresh veggies now and again, too. They eat a lot of crickets, too. We buy a hundred every five days.

    Anon, thanks for the offer. We tried wild crickets before but they usually have small, small flies that come with them and it just doesn't work well. The ones we get at the pet store are bred specifically as reptile food and are dusted with calcium which is a necessary part of their dietary needs. But I appreciate your thoughtfulness; indeed, it's the thought that counts.

  4. Is it the thought that counts when I want to kill some deserving son of a bitch that deserves to die?


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