Thursday, July 1, 2010

Judge 'TATTY'

Yesterday I got stuck behind TATTY again. It never fails; if I'm running late for work, I inevitably will get behind the white minivan with the license that reads,'TATTY.'

What do I do when this happens? I cuss. Like a sailor. 'TATTY' is the old retired judge who lives on the next street over from my house so I try not to cuss real loud because I'm sure the judge still has ties and I certainly do not want to get arrested for cussing out an old respected judge. But what I would like to do is ram the back end of his shit ass white van and send him flying through the air and out of my way.

'TATTY' drives anywhere between 10 and 20 mph. He does it on purpose, I'm sure. Maybe he does it only to me as pay back for my 20 year old son who travels like a bat outta hell on our roads, I dunno. (I've spoken to my son about this, Yer Honor, yessiree I have! Many times over! I don't like it either but it's no reason to make me late for work!)

Anyway, as I was saying, yesterday I got stuck behind TATTY and I was already running late for work and I still had to make a quick stop at the store before I got to the book store. I finally got past the old bastard judge and to the store and was making my purchase when I realized the man behind the register was being trained. Plus I think he was deaf because he made me repeat every thing I said to him. Unfortunately, he needed my birthdate to process my card and for some reason, he could not understand/hear what I was saying. And he spoke sllllllllloooow as molasssssses..

"I am going to be late for work!"(I am smiling through gritted teeth at this point which is not an easy thing to do..)

The lady who was training him shot darts out of her eyes toward me.

"" she says just above a whisper.

Finally I am out of the door and at the bookstore. I am late as I thought I would be and there at the door is........!

Judge 'Tatty.'

"Young lady," he scolds me.."you are late. And that's not fair to your customer."

"Sorry sir. I got stuck behind a slow driver." I said.

"Maybe you need to leave your house earlier." he said, with a wink.


  1. I inevitably will get behind the white minivan with the license that reads,'TATTY.'

    My licence plate frame says, "BILL COOKS PISSANT EXPRESS".

    If you son tore up and down my street and I knew who he was he wouldn't be hearing from you, he would be hearing from me, I would tell him that the next time he does it that I'll beat the shit out of him and his rig. I'm known to do that. :-)

    Yeah, you need to leave to work sooner, I drive slower than the speed limit often myself, some of us like to slow down and enjoy the day. But even though we slow down it doesn't make us late for things cuz we plan in extra time for the trip. I'm usually about 15 minutes early for any appointment.

  2. Never been to work late a day in my life, other than the occasional booze inflicted ones. :-)

    But we all drank back in those days so we just called in with something like, "Don't pay the ransom, I just got away and will be in soon."

  3. I'd rather have the slow ones than the ones that I'm pretty sure are going so fast their own heads are spinning right up there own asses- I assume up their asses because there's never been a one to see a damn thing ahead.

  4. Don't get me wrong. I don't like speeders either but I am not kidding; 10 to 15 mph is just as dangerous to other drivers.

  5. Happy 4th of July Beej and family.. How is the sons daughter taking the heat being so far along??? Do they know what baby is yet??? If you want something hand made special just let me know.. You dont have to order off my etsy site. e-mail me if you want a blanket or something for baby..

    But anyway I hate slow drivers. Esp the ones that are pushign 75 on the highway and then slow down to a crawl for no reason..


Go ahead, you can do it! Just whistle if you want me. You know how to whistle, don't you? You just put your lips together and BLOW....

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