Sunday, September 13, 2009

The Innocence of Youth

I went to a fancypants high school for four long years. It consisted of three separate parts, the girls school, the boys school and the boarding school. Yup, a fancypants preparatory school for which my father paid through the nose. Now, at an older and wiser age, I'm so grateful that, when I give it any thought at all, I could simply collapse on the floor in a puddle of thankful tears. Not so, back then. I tried everything I could think of to get expelled so I could go to public school but as smart as I thought I was, they were a whole lot smarter and realized what I was trying to do. So, instead of kicking me out, they gave me other rotten consequences, like staying after school to scrub all the chairs in the cafeteria.

The sexual revolution had already begun, but because my opportunity to meet guys was limited, so was my opportunity to join in the fun! The boys school even began and ended an hour after the girls to discourage us from meeting. Even in retrospect I think this was absolutely pathetic and let me tell you, it screwed up my first year in college royally! I was so happy to be in a co-ed college that I made up for lost time and didnt have a lot of energy left over to actually go to class. As a result, I lost a full scholarship and ended up finishing my education while working full time..the pits of a thing to have to do.

We girls whose parents paid through the nose for our fancypants school, were horribly uneducated in any sexual matters. You want to know what pathetic is? My best friend, Margie, had a little job cleaning rooms for a cheapo nearby motel. I used to go and help her and once we found, on the floor, one of those wire closures that come on wine bottles. Margie was eying it with great consternation.

"What do you think it is, Beej?"

I studied it for a few minutes.

"I think its some kind of birth control."


Let me tell you, when we got older and saw that same contraption on the top of wine bottles at the liqueur store, we cried with laughter.

Now, a school full of hormonally saturated teenaged girls find anything sexual to be uncommonly wonderful. And, since we didnt have the opportunities for adventure that our public school counterparts did, we would attach innuendo to ANYTHING. And thats what brings me to this story; we would delight one another by taking song titles and adding '"she said as the bed broke" to the end of them. Here are some samples, lets say, from willie nelson songs:

"Crazy" she said as the bed broke.

"Hello Walls" she said as the bed broke.

"Red Headed Stranger" she said as the bed broke.

"I Gotta get Drunk" she said as the bed broke.

Man, we were dumb kids! But we thought we were sly and sophisticated and oh so very witty!

Kids today would roll their eyes at something like this. They're just so experienced at such tender ages. But I'm glad we had this innocent bit of fun! I wouldn't trade places with them for the world.

Yuh, right.


  1. Does this include home schooled children as well as private educated children?? I hate to see what my girls are going to be like in eight years after home schooling them.. this makes me nervous all of a sudden.. Yikes...

  2. Hahahahaa!! As long as they dont add "she said as the bed broke" on the end of stuff, they'll be fine..

  3. This was so hilarious! I can't imagine...again this is something I wished on my life. Isn't it funny how when we're kids we want a life that is opposite. My mother used to threaten s o send me to a girls school...and I always always wanted to go to a private school. I thought it would be so fun! You've convinced me it really was fun.

    You know Stagg went to a boys Catholic private school...I always tease him that that is so sexy!

    He's still friends with the guys he went to school with and they have some pretty funny stories.


Go ahead, you can do it! Just whistle if you want me. You know how to whistle, don't you? You just put your lips together and BLOW....

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