The Most Pious, Sister Beej

When I was in eighth grade, I decided I wanted to be a nun. I had happened upon the movie, 'The Nun's Story' and I thought to myself, that's what I wanted to do with my life! I wanted to be just like that beautiful, kind sister! I began to obsess about it. I remember standing in our living room in front of my mother, who was on her knees, pins in her mouth, taking up the hem on a dress she had just sewn for me.

"Mom, I want to be a nun." said I.

I thought she was going to swallow her pins.
"No."
That was all she said.

We were devout Catholics. Not only that, we had a very close relationship with the clergy of our local church, who would often come to our home for dinner. Mama must have talked to the good Father about my new aspiration because not long after, she told me I could go to a retreat at what's called The Mother House. Ths is where aspiring nuns go to meditate and to sort out their hearts' desires. so I went.

The house itself was a mansion. I was given a little room, called a cell. Each cell had a little nameplate of a saint on its door. Mine was Theresa the Little Flower. I prayed. I meditated. I became the most pious of the pious. And then I could take no more.

I became rowdy. In my defense, I was only 13 at the time, extremely active, curious, fun loving. I had met a couple other nuns-to-be at this retreat, and by the time I was done with my week long meditation, I had not only gotten all of us in trouble, I had actually broken the elevator that the honest-to-pete real nuns used to get up and down in the four story mansion.

The Mother Superior had had enough of my shenanigans, which had culminated in a broken elevator, took me aside (once they got me out of the elevator where I had been trapped) and told me, in no uncertain terms, that she didnt think the sisterhood was my true calling, and I was sent home.

I was devastated, and I have often wondered through my life if I had missed my true calling and chance for pure unadulterated happiness by not entering the convent. Then I look at my two kids, and thank God that I broke that elevator.