Wednesday, September 23, 2009

My Little Book Store

You have probably already figured out that I work at a book store. We had just moved to Alabama when I went in to this place and as I approached the register, I impulsively asked if they were hiring. (My life is made up of a series of impulses, sometimes a good thing, sometimes resulting in dastardly consequences. That could be a story for another time tho.)

This is a really really cool store; not only do we carry lots and lots of books, we house an adjoining bistro, which Judy, AKA Minnie Pearl, runs. We have quite the faithful following and sometimes I feel like I'm in with the in crowd for working there.

IT seems everyone under the sun comes to my store. I meet some great, fun people ...some day I'll tell you about Charlie who is the captain of a large oil ship. Charlie buys hundreds of dollars worth of books at a shot because hes out in the gulf for months on end. I like Charlie. He brings his mother in with him and buys her whatever she wants. (Apparently captains of oil ships, or whatever they're called, make lots of money.) But back to the man himself..he's a renegade, has a pony tail down to his hiney, a huge huge laugh and I have a great time with him when he shows up.

Then there's my good friend Dennis. Dennis is a handsome, chatty great guy, who plays Atticus Finch up in Monroeville, where Harper Lee lives. In fact, he is personal friends with her. I hear all sorts of 'Nell' Lee stories from Dennis, and once he even let me hold a copy of To Kill A Mockingbird that she autographed.

The list could go on and on. I mean, this is a fun place to work. But there is a flip side to this; I also run into some really really not too bright folks. Take this little conversation for example...

CUSTOMER: Have you read Patterson's 'Sail?"
ME: no but i understand the premise is pretty good."
CUSTOMER: "OH?? I haven't read that one!"

No, duh!

Then this lady..

CUSTOMER: Is such and such book out yet?"
ME: No ma'am, it hasn't been released yet."
CUSTOMER: "Well, fine! I will just go to your competitor and get it!"

Go right ahead you stupid bitchtard! And good luck! IT ISNT OUT YET!! ANYWHERE!

Then this one:

"Do you have a bathroom?"

"Uh, no. We serve a ton of coffee and make everyone hold their tee-tee. It's a contest we have going. The longest tee-tee holder wins a free hardcover bestseller! Why don't you just make yourself comfy in that chair over there and see if you can win!!

and this one:

"Do you know anything about the books?"

No. Go ask Judy in the cafe.. (Har Har gotcha Judy!)

Oh yeah, and this one:

"Can we borrow the books?"

Oh sure. Thast'll pay the electric bill..

But today I got a really good one. Somebody returned a book of erotica. Dog-eared, spine broken, cover torn.

"Can I return it? I didn't like it."
(Looks like you LOVED it to me!)

I figured what the heck; even sex maniacs need a break.


I gave him his money back, and marked the book as 'used.' Somebody in a warehouse will get a charge out of that, I'm sure.

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