Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Me, The Red Faced Doggie Mama

Question; how many harried little Southern Italian mamas does it take to load a 100 lb rebelling dog into the back seat of a white compact car? One, if it's me. Yup, my darling dog, Abby, is ill again. It's not her fault; she has been cursed with a recurrent skin disease that covers her from the webs of her back toes to the dripping nostrils of her nose.

My son had been given strict orders; be home by 1:30 pm because I cannot get Abby into the car by myself. 1:30 came and went, 1:35..1:40...and it was clear to me that I was in this alone.

She was excited when I pulled out her pink leash. This is an enigma because I have never seen a dog who hated to ride in the car as much as she does. But it makes getting her out the door and to the car easy. Then the hard part comes; open the back seat door and she scrunches her rear end down into the ground and develops the hiney strength of Zeus.

I did, however, get her up and attum, tho she did tumble back to the ground once.

I talk to her calmly as we head down the road. I can hear her stomach heaving and I pray to God.

"Please God, let her hold it until I get there.." and my prayer is miraculously answered.

As I pull into the vet parking lot, my cell phone rings.

"Hi ma," its the man cave man.

"You are in trouble! I am not a happy mama. "Where were you??"

"Effen traffic ma!"

I'm thinking, "I wish I could boot your effen rump into that effen traffic right now."

Instead, I simply hang up on him.

Our vet's place is an animal hospital, not just, well, a vet's place. In fact our vet, Dr. Martin, teaches at Auburn University's veterinarian school.
So some of the clientele is rather rich and rather snooty. (I am not one of THOSE, trust me.)
And as chance has it, as I'm pulling my 100 lb cur out of the car, one of those rich Southern Magnolias is getting out of her BMW which is parked next to my little white compact car.

Abby scurries (as much as a 100 lb dog can scurry,) in front of her, hunches down and pees directly in front of this lady's classy black heels.

I scold Abby and apologise to Mrs. Magnolia, but what else can I do?

Abby and I head inside.

"Um, Abby just tee-teed in front of the door." The receptionist glances at Abby who wags her tail and belches.

I try to lighten the situation with humor.

"I've never had a daughter do that before."

She doesn't laugh.

I try to hold on to my dignity as we are soon led into the back room and head down the hall to what is known as 'the big dog room.' We are just about there when Abby rounds out her butt and to my horror, drops about the biggest bowel movement I have ever seen plop from the pooper of a living being.

The receptionist just stares at it. Then she looks up at me.

"I bet you never had a daughter do that before either, right?"

Dr. Martin soon checks Abby, gives us antibiotics and we head to the car, and what does Miss Abby do? yup, you got it..O0ps she did it agsin. Thank goodness there was no rich Mrs. Magnolia stepping out of the car next to us.


  1. I can sympathize with the vet embarrassment! My dog once puked on the vet's shoes, and then she had the sweet audacity to look up at him and wag her tail with a look of sheer contentment and relief. He, however, laughed after it was over and said 'it comes with the job.'
    Thankfully, I did not have to replace the shoes.

  2. Lady

    On the other hand, a 100 pound dog would feed a number of hungry folks.

  3. Anon, can you imagine if people could get awway with behaving this way? Karma would be a REAL bitch!

    Billy, I loved reading about Lady. She really was a lady, wasnt she? Thank you for putting that link here for me to read. (I knew you were sweetheart.)

  4. When you gotta go, you gotta go! Cute story about your dog. You might enjoy a small adventure involving Chico the Wonder Dog. http://atimeandaplace.blogspot.com/2006/08/time-for-walk.html

  5. I have to admit never had a dog do that but it seemed every time we took our youngest in for her Drs visits after had her for baby well ness check ups she seemed to know it and drop a load right there before they coudl take the diaper off to weigh her.. Yikes..

  6. Sorry, didn't mean to get all sappy on you. Every time I'm reminded of that old post and go back and read it I cry again. But she was one hell of a dog.

    Hey, I have a cell phone myself, I turn it on once a day just to check for messages. I hate it when I'm talking to someone and their cell phone rings and they start talking to someone else.

    I would never answer a phone when talking to someone else, if someone just died I'll find out about it soon enough. But 99.9 percent of cell phone calls are just bullshit anyway.

    Ring Ring.


    "Mom, I forgot my lunch."

    "Tough shit, you'll live."


  7. Oh thank you for the morning laugh, Billy! I needed it...got up early to make Thasnksgiving pies and accidently knoocked over a dozen eggs on my white marble kitchem floor, which made it nearly impossible to see the eggs whites in order to clean up thoroughly.. and that was just a bad beginning to a very busy day for me. (eggs are very sticky on the bottom of the feet!)

    That phone call is similar to more than one I've received from the kids. Only difference is, being the anal mom that I am, I would always run their forgotten lunches to the school. I'm reaping the consequences of spoiling them now.

    And plaese, please, stay 'sappy.' It says you a sensitive man which is a joy to behold.


Go ahead, you can do it! Just whistle if you want me. You know how to whistle, don't you? You just put your lips together and BLOW....

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