One Glass of Red Wine

I received some wonderful..(I think)..news today; the doctor says a glass of red wine at night would be good for me. Now, I have not had a single alcoholic drink for the past ten years. Not that i had a drinking problem in the past. Nosiree. In fact, I was the happiest drunk on this big blue ball. One drink was all it took, and I was the life of any party.

I have never had a bad drinking spree in my life, tho I did bid a horrible farewell to half a bottle of tequila once. (My friends called me 'In/Out' for a month after.)
But even that wasn't why I quit; I quit because I had slowed down to drinking only once every other month or so and I found I simply could not hold my likker. One drink, one little glass of wine, and I became a clown. i would have a glass of wine and end up standing in the center of the kitchen dancing the can-can. In front of the kids. And I mean, one glass of wine. Of course, the kids thought that was the mot fun ever. But I felt ashamed. Well, after.

So, I decided if one glass of cheap wine could make me that silly, I didn't need it.

But tonight, I am having a glass of wine. On Doctor's go ahead. So off I trekked to the store to pick up my bottle of booze. I didn't realize there was such a choice at Winn Dixie! I had no idea what I wanted, only that it had to be red. Soon this guy turned down the wine aisle and stopped in front of the shelf where I was standing. He studied the labels so I figured he must know his wine.

"Excuse me, sir?" I said. "Do you know anything about wine?"

He looked at me for a second.
"Yeah i know to only get what SHE tells me to get."

i wondered if SHE was someone a whole lot more savvy about wine than I was. I imagine she was, because all I remember about wine in my past was 1.) Uncle Ernie made it in his cellar and 2.) my friend Debbie used to like to get a magnum of Blue Nun and share it with the rest of us in her parked car, until she began to weep over whatever boy was causing a crisis in her life at that given time and we would take her home drop her off, and ride off with her car and what was left of her Blue Nun.

This nice gentleman did help me choose a wine. A Merlot.


I had also picked up a prescription and half a dozen cans of cat food. But I was in my usual hurry and didn't stop to get a cart. It is not easy to carry a large purse, a prescription, six cans of cat food and a fairly large bottle of Merlot in your arms, sans a cart. And of course, there was a long line at every register.

I mad a quick mental evaluation of which line was the shortest, got behind the last lady there and prayed I did not drop the wine. Within a few minutes, a teenage couple got in line behind me. They began to whisper and I saw them eyeing my Merlot. (not that I'm paranoid over my booze or anything). The boy looked like he was thinking of grabbing it and running.

"Touch my wine and my foot WILL interfere with your puberty." I thought to myself.

By this time my arm was aching. I looked at the front of the line where an elderly lady was writing a check. The cashier told her there was automatic checking, but our elderly lady didn't want that; she studied the cashier for a minute.

"What did you say?" she asked. (Great. She can't hear..just as well, because I've started to cuss.)

By now I can feel the wine bottle slowly slipping. And as I feel that, my cellphone begins to ring. Its lost somewhere in the bowels of my purse and there is no way I can get to it. But then I start to think, what if its one of my kids and they're in trouble and mom cant help them because her arms are full of wine bottles. (ok, ok it was one bottle, but you get my point..)

I notice there is now a small edge of the counter available to me so I set down the bottle, which has already seemed to cause me trouble, and fetched the phone out of the purse's bowels. Sure enough, there is a message from my daughter.

"Mom,call me when you get this. Christy left a really mean message on my facebook!'

Good grief.

Anyway, now I am home, and I have my Merlot and tonight after dinner dishes are done, I am opening the bottle and having my first drink in ten years. I'm sure I'll end up online so if you're looking for some cheap entertainment tonight, look no further.