Sunday, February 28, 2010

The Lamp

Today is a beautiful day. The temperature is slightly above 60 degrees, the sun is shining and the sky a delightful blue. I had very little on my agenda today, but I did want to get a floor lamp.

When I got the new living room furniture I had to move a cherry occasional table with a lamp on it to the other side of the room. This left no light on one wall, so I decided to get a floor lamp today.

I found a very simple one. (I prefer simple design.) I was a little chagrined to find I had to get one that was not assembled. Instead of a nice floor lamp, standing upright and ready to be perched in front of the wall, I ended up with parts of a new floor lamp, in a big box, waiting for me to assemble it.

I got it home and opened the box. This in itself was a project; that box was super sealed. It took a knife (I used a steak knife from my kitchen because I do not own a pocket knife.) and about twenty minutes of pure muscle power to get the box open.

Once that was accomplished, I took all the pieces out of the box and laid them on the floor. Then I found two pages of directions, one in English, the other in Spanish.I read the directions, written next to a labelled diagram: put part A into part B, turning clockwise. Insert nickel plated ring (part C) on to part A and screw clockwise. Insert finial (part D) on to the harp (part E) and set down on shade. Attach harp bottom (part F) on to the vase cap (part G) after attaching to the pipe (Part H)..Set part H to lamp base (part I). set part A which is on top of part B making certain part C is straight. Tighten part D on to part E.

Hmm. Okay I read it and studied my alphabet directions.

"I can do this. I can." I was determined. (I also found the 800 help number on the directions ..just in case.)

I looked around the room. There were parts, A thru I, helter skelter around the floor, the big empty box lay on its side and all the cardboard innards that kept the parts from bumping into each other were tossed next to it. The clear wrap which protected all of this from getting scratched had been tossed (by me) all around. I decided to stop what I was doing and make some coffee.

While in the kitchen I noticed the dish washer was full and decided to run it. Then, after I put the coffee on to perk, I decided to look through the freezer to see what I should thaw for dinner. It didn't take long for the coffee to perk, so I poured myself a cup of coffee and took it outside to our back patio so I could watch the birds while I drank it.

I could hear the loud banging clear outside. I ran in to find the (evil) cat in the big box, his front feet stuck to a piece of tape I had removed from the box with the knife. The poor thing was thrashing about inside of that box as if the devil had taken hold of his little furry soul.

Great. I pulled him out and managed to remove the tape from his paw before he flew out of the room, scratching me only a little in the process. There was no more putting it off; the time to assemble the blasted floor lamp was on hand.

I knelt down and picked up parts D and E and managed to get those put together when John meandered into the room. One look from him and he, knowing my engineering capabilities are pretty limited, took over. Within maybe five minutes the entire lamp was assembled and sitting next to my new love seat.

He hadn't as much as GLANCED at the directions!! I was in awe!

"How did you do that??"

"Beej," he said over his shoulder as he walked out of the room, "It's just a lamp.."

That John is a smart guy.


  1. If that is a picture of your place you are lying to yourself when you say you would like a more simple life. Just thought I would point that out.

  2. No I really would. Honest. I've already downsized with my house and down the road, life WILL become a heck of a lot simpler. You can trust me on that.

  3. We had a nice lamp once.

    Then we got the cats.

    nuff said..;-)

  4. Hahahaa! Again you made me laugh out loud. Ain't that the truth; this cat of ours barely tolerates us in his house. I've thought of having him declawed but I can't do it. It's not his fault he's a cat. With sharp nails. Destructive sharp nails. Little crap cat.

  5. You know what I like the most about this lamp? The pole is a hollow glass tube about two inches in diameter. It's very cool.

    You know what I dislike the most about this lamp? That glass pole will need to be cleaned of fingerprints and dust just about daily. But that's okay..


Go ahead, you can do it! Just whistle if you want me. You know how to whistle, don't you? You just put your lips together and BLOW....

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