Sunday, December 20, 2009


I read somewhere that John Updike never had writers block in his life. Needless to say, I am not John Updike.

Lately I have been publishing quite a few videos I have stumbled upon over at Now, I wouldn't post them here if I didn't think they were worth sharing, but I will let you in on a little secret; I am putting them here because...BECAUSE!! (drum roll....) I have run out of ideas. I have hit a brick wall. I am at a loss. Temporarily.

I have wracked my brain trying to think of worthwhile things to share with you. Do I tell you about the fat little boy who was a line jumper at the bookstore, a repeat offender, in fact, who runs up in front of everyone else, stares at me and says, "Can I please get some service here?"
Lucky for him, the other folks who have been waiting in line get a charge out of him. They laugh. I do not think it's funny and the chubby little snot-angel can tell.

Do I write about the exercise video I am getting for Christmas? What do I say, I know I got it be cause I went to the store and got it?

Then I asked myself, "Beej," I ask, "what would Updike do?" And I knew the answer...if Updike could write about nothing, I'm sure he would write about....NOTHING!

Okay, what can I say about nothing? There's a song that starts 'Nothing from nothing is nothing.' But I am not sure what that means.
Then there's the old adage, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained.'
I suppose that means if you don't try something, you wont succeed. Hmm. So if I don't try to go broke I won't succeed? well, doesn't that make me a success then?

I am really confused so I go to and look up the definition of 'nothing.'


Not anything; no thing (in the widest sense of the word thing); -- opposed to anything and something.

Nonexistence; nonentity; absence of being; nihility; nothingness.

A thing of no account, value, or note; something irrelevant and impertinent; something of comparative unimportance; utter insignificance; a trifle.

A cipher; naught.

In no degree; not at all; in no wise.

I am interested in the one definition .. 'Nonexistence.'. So, if I say the kitty litter box is nothing, does that mean it doesn't exist? Well, piss on that! (har har) I know it exists because I can, well, smell it! Or do I use the definition, 'irrelevant?' Well, darlin', if you think it's irrelevant, then you go stand next to it after a few ripening days.

I do not like this word. In fact, it means nothing to me. Hmmmm I'm not sure what I mean by that so up to the definitions I go again. Okay, lets choose 'nonexistent.' Well, that's not true because if it didn't exist, I wouldn't be having this problem!

I give up. I am not John Updike. I have writers block. And there's nothing I can do about it.


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