Tuesday, December 8, 2009

An Open Letter to Tiger Woods' Lawyer

Dear Tiger Woods Lawyer:

Hi, it's me, Beej. I just want to tell you that I, too, have had sex with Tiger Woods. So have both of my sisters, my daughter, my hairdresser, and my Great Aunt in Topeka.

I know Tiger is grateful that I am willing to keep my mouth shut. He can best show his gratitude by depositing $5,000,000 into my bank account, $3,000,000 into each of my sisters' accounts, $2,000,000 into my daughter's account and $1,000,000 into my hairdresser's account. He does not, however, need to deposit anything into my Great Aunt's account; at 87 year of age, the excitement of swinging Tiger's putter caused her to keel over and die.

oh I almost forgot; please let him know I am grateful that he left no divots.

Love,
Beej

13 comments:

  1. I think this post proves that I have no pride...

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  2. I think this post proves that I have no pride...

    I have no idea what you mean by that but I am wondering what I could get out of him for not exposing that I butt fucked him, ha ha ha

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  3. LOLOLOL!!!

    Well, I was kinda reaching far for the humor, there.

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  4. Has your hairdresser been consulted with regard to her percentage of the total take? And is there any way in the world she can keep silent about this in return for the money?

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  5. Oh nononno, you misunderstood! That's just for MY keeping quiet; Jamee can drive her own bargain.

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  6. I am afraid I am not at liberty to discuss any financial arrangements that may or may not have been agreed between myself and Mr Woods lawyers.

    Suffice to say his nine iron was enormous...;-)

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  7. Oh Four!..you guys are cracking me up!

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  8. Hey there. Does anyone of us have any pride when it comes to Tiger Woods?? Hope you have a happy holiday. I broke my left foot today while cleaning house.. I am in loads of pain..

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  9. Goodness, tweetey! It just doesnt end for you, does it? I hope you feeel better today. Take some really good pain killers. I would. :) xoxo

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  10. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHA!!!!

    {DEEP BREATH)

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!

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  11. Your wit is legendary in my book...never fails to hit home...I think everyone in the world should read your writing's....

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  12. Why brother, I think thats the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me! Thank you! xoxo

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Go ahead, you can do it! Just whistle if you want me. You know how to whistle, don't you? You just put your lips together and BLOW....

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