Tuesday, December 8, 2009

An Open Letter to Tiger Woods' Lawyer

Dear Tiger Woods Lawyer:

Hi, it's me, Beej. I just want to tell you that I, too, have had sex with Tiger Woods. So have both of my sisters, my daughter, my hairdresser, and my Great Aunt in Topeka.

I know Tiger is grateful that I am willing to keep my mouth shut. He can best show his gratitude by depositing $5,000,000 into my bank account, $3,000,000 into each of my sisters' accounts, $2,000,000 into my daughter's account and $1,000,000 into my hairdresser's account. He does not, however, need to deposit anything into my Great Aunt's account; at 87 year of age, the excitement of swinging Tiger's putter caused her to keel over and die.

oh I almost forgot; please let him know I am grateful that he left no divots.

Love,
Beej
Posted by Beej at 8:41 PM

12 comments:

  1. BeejDecember 8, 2009 at 9:02 PM

    I think this post proves that I have no pride...

    ReplyDelete
  2. BeejDecember 8, 2009 at 9:45 PM

    LOLOLOL!!!

    Well, I was kinda reaching far for the humor, there.

    ReplyDelete
  3. brassaweDecember 8, 2009 at 9:53 PM

    Has your hairdresser been consulted with regard to her percentage of the total take? And is there any way in the world she can keep silent about this in return for the money?

    ReplyDelete
  4. BeejDecember 8, 2009 at 10:32 PM

    Oh nononno, you misunderstood! That's just for MY keeping quiet; Jamee can drive her own bargain.

    ReplyDelete
  5. DILLIGAFDecember 9, 2009 at 7:23 AM

    I am afraid I am not at liberty to discuss any financial arrangements that may or may not have been agreed between myself and Mr Woods lawyers.

    Suffice to say his nine iron was enormous...;-)

    ReplyDelete
  6. BeejDecember 9, 2009 at 4:30 PM

    Oh Four!..you guys are cracking me up!

    ReplyDelete
  7. tweetey30December 9, 2009 at 7:12 PM

    Hey there. Does anyone of us have any pride when it comes to Tiger Woods?? Hope you have a happy holiday. I broke my left foot today while cleaning house.. I am in loads of pain..

    ReplyDelete
  8. BeejDecember 10, 2009 at 4:33 AM

    Goodness, tweetey! It just doesnt end for you, does it? I hope you feeel better today. Take some really good pain killers. I would. :) xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  9. Candy MinxDecember 10, 2009 at 9:44 AM

    I slept with Tiger's wife.

    ReplyDelete
  10. BeejDecember 10, 2009 at 10:48 AM

    HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHA!!!!

    {DEEP BREATH)

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. BrotherDecember 10, 2009 at 6:47 PM

    Your wit is legendary in my book...never fails to hit home...I think everyone in the world should read your writing's....

    ReplyDelete
  12. BeejDecember 10, 2009 at 7:05 PM

    Why brother, I think thats the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me! Thank you! xoxo

    ReplyDelete

Go ahead, you can do it! Just whistle if you want me. You know how to whistle, don't you? You just put your lips together and BLOW....

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