Hi. It's me, Beej. I just wanted to tell you how much I love you and how much your music means to me and how bad I feel that the government won't let you smoke pot freely and how they caused you trouble for not paying taxes.
You do so much for this country just by your Farm Aid concerts alone! I have thought of a solution to your problems;
I think all the farmers who benefit from your Farm Aid concert should dedicate a half acre of their farmland to growing a crop of pot for you. That way, no matter where you go, east, west, north or south, there would be a healthy pile of pot awaiting you. And since it's all in the farmers possession, you would not need to worry about being arrested! i do not think even you, Mr. Nelson, can smoke an entire half acre of pot in every stop you make. Therefore, any surplus of crop could be sold and the money used to pay your back taxes. and if there's still some left over, well, they could sell it to buy corn or cotton seed to replenish their main crops!
We all know how much you love your weed. I mean, how many people are so dedicated to anything in life that they would run into a burning house just to grab a guitar case full of whatever they are trying to save? I know many a man who would just stand by and watch his wife burn up in a house fire, rather than risk his own life trying to get her out. That kind of devotion deserves to be rewarded! Our youth needs a fine example such as this.
I certainly hope, Mr. Nelson, someone of influence reads this letter and follows my advice. I will cc a copy to some influential people I know, in hopes of speeding up the process.
I am very sorry your ex wife stabbed you with that fork. It was very rude of her not to wait until you were done eating.