Monday, October 26, 2009

An Open Letter to Willie Nelson

October 26, 2009

Dear Mr. Nelson,

Hi. It's me, Beej. I just wanted to tell you how much I love you and how much your music means to me and how bad I feel that the government won't let you smoke pot freely and how they caused you trouble for not paying taxes.

You do so much for this country just by your Farm Aid concerts alone! I have thought of a solution to your problems;

I think all the farmers who benefit from your Farm Aid concert should dedicate a half acre of their farmland to growing a crop of pot for you. That way, no matter where you go, east, west, north or south, there would be a healthy pile of pot awaiting you. And since it's all in the farmers possession, you would not need to worry about being arrested! i do not think even you, Mr. Nelson, can smoke an entire half acre of pot in every stop you make. Therefore, any surplus of crop could be sold and the money used to pay your back taxes. and if there's still some left over, well, they could sell it to buy corn or cotton seed to replenish their main crops!

We all know how much you love your weed. I mean, how many people are so dedicated to anything in life that they would run into a burning house just to grab a guitar case full of whatever they are trying to save? I know many a man who would just stand by and watch his wife burn up in a house fire, rather than risk his own life trying to get her out. That kind of devotion deserves to be rewarded! Our youth needs a fine example such as this.

I certainly hope, Mr. Nelson, someone of influence reads this letter and follows my advice. I will cc a copy to some influential people I know, in hopes of speeding up the process.



I am very sorry your ex wife stabbed you with that fork. It was very rude of her not to wait until you were done eating.

cc;Willie Nelson
Bill Clinton
Amy Carter


  1. Interesting concept Beej but what happens when all those farmers are charged with Pot on there lands?? Then they have back bills to pay also.. Yikes...

  2. WEll, thats why we need to get Bill Clinton in on this. If he gets charged with screwing them over, he can just point at the accuser and say, "I never had sex with that farmer!"

    He's real good at doing that.

  3. Willie Nelson is my friend.

    I've never actually met him but, if I did, he would be my friend.

    True, I would almost certainly have no recollection at all of meeting him but it would be fun.

    Especially if the farmers crop was ready...;-)

    Actually it's getting increasingly difficult over in England to get a decent Pakistani Black or Morrocan Red.... they keep adding to it and making Skunk which, whilst more potent, is not the same at all. It just blows the kids heads off without the pleasure of chilling....

    Let's get Willie to market some real shit instead of all this fake stuff eh?

  4. Willie needs to simplify his life and move to México. Such a short trip for him, too. I do not understand why this has not occurred to him.

  5. You know, Four Dinners, I do not do any drugs nor do I drink (I just don't need them, I'm goofy enough) but I think I would prefer the Skunk stuff! Chilling is not something that I do easily. I can't even chill during a movie. I always end up in th lobby talking with the popcorn people. And that's the truth.

    Steve, I think Willie moved to Hawaii. I picture him with Hawaiian Gold growing midst his pineapple plants and coconut trees. What a life, huh? If he ever sees my letter maybe he will be grateful enough to invite me there for a week. then again perhaps the narcs will be looking for me because I master planned this great pot plot. I wonder if I'm small enough to hide behind a pineapple plant?

  6. I love his music but I'll never smoke weed with Willie again, ha ha ha.

    Hell, I never did get into weed myself, but it seems like all my friends do it. I like the smell of it when they are doing it.

    I smoke ciggs and drink mostly light beer, I figure that is enough bad habits for me.

  7. Billy! You've been missed. Did you catch any fish?

  8. Do you have the concept of personal consumption in the US? Meaning you can possess what you can use?

  9. i dunno, Sheila, but I don't think so. I think it's a minor thingy tho, maybe a ticket rather than an arrest.


Go ahead, you can do it! Just whistle if you want me. You know how to whistle, don't you? You just put your lips together and BLOW....

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