Monday, October 19, 2009

Soul on Ice

When I was fifteen years old, I had a mad crush on a twenty year old young man who was a junior in college. I was only in tenth grade, but I completely believed I was a full adult, capable of making all my own choices in life. This was not a pleasant time in my dad's life. And that is an understatement. This young man, whose name was Ricky Martinez, was a summer coach at a nearby playground. He was of Spanish descent and I thought he was the most unique and brilliant individual I had ever met. Every day during the summer, I would walk over to this playground to be with Ricky. One day he told me he was coming over to my house on his day off and when the day came, I sat on the front porch, waiting. Eventually, he pulled up and got out of his car. I jumped up and walked toward him. But before I could even say hello, my father raced out of our front door, went right past me and up to Ricky.

"She is only fifteen years old!" he angrily said. "And if I were you, I would leave right now and never even think of coming back here."

"Yessir." was all he said before he turned and skedaddled out of my life.

You can just imagine the furor this caused in our house. It took me weeks to get over this. My dad could have cared less how much I wailed and carried on. He wanted this guy out of my life and out of my heart and he didn't care how much I hated him for it.

But this entry is not about Ricky Martinez. It is about a book. Ricky loved to read and so did I, so part of the draw to him was that he would introduce me to books that I had never heard of before. One of these books was called 'Soul on Ice" by Eldridge Cleaver. I had never heard of Eldridge Cleaver but Ricky considered this an important book that I needed to read. So, on a trip to the mall with my dad, we went to the bookstore and I picked it up. My dad walked over to the register where I stood, waiting to make this purchase.

"What are you buying?" he asked as he took the book from my hand. I watched my father's face turn absolutely purple. He tossed the book on the counter and sort of gave me a little push toward the door.

"You are not reading this book."

My father was not one to censor my reading, as a rule. As I mentioned in my online book club, the only other book he had ever forbidden me to read was 'Peyton Place.' But that was NOTHING compared to his complete disdain for 'Soul on Ice.' I cannot tell you how many times I tried to get my hands on this book but my father, in his determination that I not read it, squelched each and every attempt I made. And do you know what? My father made such an impression on me that, to this day, I have not read it. Not only that, but I get this slightly nauseated feeling whenever I happen upon it in a bookstore.

Fast forward to the present; I sat on the front porch this morning, and as I drank a cup of coffee, I thought of this book. And I thought to myself, why have I not read it yet? I decided I would purchase it today and see for myself why my dad hated it as much as he did. I don't really know what it's all about but I have an idea what it might be about. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that my dad's disdain for it would probably say more to me than Eldridge Cleaver ever could. And it became clear to me that I will never read it. Never. I think it might say too much to me about my father.

12 comments:

  1. dads are like that. They protect their babies - sometimes from things they don't need protecting from. We can't help it you know.

    Jax had a half cast boyfriend a couple of years back. I wasn't sure. I guess it's an age thing.

    I'll always protect her though. Even when I shouldn't.

    I used to growl at her boyfriends when she wasn't looking. Even though 6 told her she never quite believed it...;-)

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  2. oh my god, four Dinners, this was just a small, small example of how my father could be. He was brutal. I felt sorry for boys who came over the house.

    But, why his reaction to this book? I probably should read it just to gt an insight as to why he went ballistic over it. But I won't. It's engrained in me...DO NOT READ SOUL ON ICE! EVER!!!

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  3. LOLOLOL I just got what you said..you growled at at all her boyfriends?? I have to ask..did you ever bite?

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  4. You are more than welcome to ship the book to me and I will read it and tell you why he was so disdained on you reading this book. I dont know your father adn more than likely never will know him.. I am biased so I can give a clear view on this book..

    Beej when I was 13 I met this 19 year old and I thougth we would be together for ever. Well when he pushed SEX, that was the end of it basically. A year went by and he started pushing it and I said no way. i wasnt ready and didnt know when I would be or if I would be until I was an adult. He had urges and I was just a kid. Anyway I know why parents are so protecting. I have two girls.. Yikes..

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  5. But... but... but... i didnt want sex! I just wanted to read the damned book!

    The boy is actually incidental. It was one of those early adolescent crushes and I really didnt care all that much about him. But my father made the book such a big deal. I mean, even after all these years, I'm still too intimidated to read it.

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  6. Yes exactly so send me the book and I will read it for you.. I was just letting you know young hearts die hard sometimes. Ok Ok any way my new post is up. Not as beautifully described as my first try but up anyway.. Enjoy..

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  7. Ok I will head over there right now!

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  8. Please do call me Billy, I prefer that.

    Btw, how did you apple upside down cake turn out?

    You would know that the apple upside down cake was good if you would just read my fucking posts, ha ha ha.

    Write a book? Fuck, I'm not about to write a book. I want someone else to write it for me and then I will approve it, after I'm done approving it sixteen thousand times because the author is a fucking idiot that I have to keep correcting.

    Like it says on my coffee cup, I'M SURROUNDED BY FUCKIN' IDIOTS.

    Ha ha ha, have a good evening. Billy

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  9. I think that I like you, you seem real and honest and not a fake, I may have to bookmark you.

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  10. Billy, I'm sorry! I skimmed thru your previous post looking for mention of the cake but didnt see it! Honest.

    What's this about a book?

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  11. Please do, Billy. I like you, too.

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  12. OK BBC I hav tried getting into your blog because you have stopped by mine several times and only accepted readers only.. LOL.. Kind of hard to read when you cant get in. I love blog hopping and I have seen you over at Gripers and Gayles blog when she was with us in blogland.

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Go ahead, you can do it! Just whistle if you want me. You know how to whistle, don't you? You just put your lips together and BLOW....

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